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What’s your superpower? I always struggled to figure out that one thing I was ridiculously good at. It sounds selfish, and maybe it is…a little. Mostly that desire was born out of a much deeper desire to bring God’s kingdom.

I’m still settling in to this realization: my superpower is letting my heart be broken, and letting people see my broken heart.

It’s not that brokenheartedness is easy for me, it’s terrifying every time. Still, God’s proven that it’s the biggest contribution I can make. Living this way is true for me, and there’s value just in that. Reminding people there are things worth letting your heart be broken for seems to break something open in them, free them in some way. And it lets brokenhearted people know they aren’t alone.

There’s another aspect of it, again maybe this is partly selfish…something else happens every time God breaks my heart. When we’re in the thick of it, it always feels like I’m going to die. I feel weak and pitiful and convinced I’ll never be of any use to anyone again. Then when I’m not looking, he’s always given me a stronger, truer heart.  So far, it’s been worth it. It’s made sense to keep letting Him break it.

Here’s another way to describe this super power: I’m willing to play the fool for love. One of my favorite moments in the whole biblical narrative is Jeremiah saying,

“You duped me O Lord, and I let myself be duped.”

It’s so raw. Jeremiah is on the verge of being offended, maybe he already is.  His searing honesty here makes this next statement (another one of my life verses) so much more powerful. He admits:

…if I say, “I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,” his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.

You tricked me. And I let you. I let myself be a fool for you. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t.

Jeremiah put into words why I love so wholeheartedly that people are embarrassed for me and caution me not to overdo it. I was thinking about my love for God this way, and had this sentimental moment, musing about how I’ve played the fool for Him (maybe a little pride crept in here…)

I wasn’t in martyr mode. It was more of a tenderness about everything we’ve been through together. Then, in an instant, the Holy Spirit sliced through that and pierced me to my core.  I sensed God saying,

“You don’t get it.

You’re congratulating yourself over your willingness to face ridicule and worse for me. I do love that about you. What you don’t understand is  I played the fool for you.”

foolThe times I looked bad in front of family or friends, those times when my decisions looked ridiculous or irresponsible, something else was on the line besides my reputation.

God’s reputation was on the line too.

That part had worried me. I made it into this weight that was mine to carry. It was my responsibility to get it right, so God would look good.

During those times lots of people made a distinction between my reputation and his. Some didn’t. Some people said things like, “No God worth following would ask you to do that.” or I don’t want anything to do with that kind of God.”

You guys. God’s reputation. It’s… everything. His good name is the only thing that’s really any good.

Here’s the part that hadn’t occurred to me before, and took my breath away. He risked that. He was willing to look bad in front of me and everybody else. He put me in situations where He risked me getting offended, getting fed up. He risked losing me to win me for himself.

Lately I’m noticing a new risk God has taken to win my heart almost every day. It’s changing my thinking. More than that, this realization is rewriting my whole story. Whole chapters of my life, parts I was tempted to look at through a poor-me lens are taking on this new dimension. I’m in total awe of this God who will stop at nothing, take any risk to win me, fully, for Himself.

And it’s working.

What risk have you taken in response to God’s prompting?

What risk has God taken to draw you to himself?

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