The word faithfulness keeps coming up when I tell our family’s story, but I didn’t realize until today what a trap it had become. I’m not suggesting that being faithful is bad. But when I actually caught myself thinking,
“We’ll just keep faithfully putting one foot in front of the other as long as we can, even if God isn’t faithful to us”
I finally heard,
“How dare you?”
Ugh….I felt that laid-low, doubled-over-with-the-weight-
“Who is the source of your faithfulness? What would you even know about faithfulness apart from my faithfulness to you? Can you honestly claim to have been faithful to generations?”
Maybe faithfulness itself isn’t the snare…maybe time is. I’m so stuck in time, and I forget that God isn’t. The nature of faithfulness is that it’s only fully evident across generations.
This truth is embedded in the word itself. אמנ (aman) is the root of the word we translate as ‘faithful’. It starts with the character א which originally represented an ox, and means strength. מ represented water, and can mean a fluid like water or blood, or symbolize the unknown or uncertain. This last character נ represents seed. The thing about seed is it’s never about the seed. It’s always about fruit, which itself is about more seed. This character symbolizes continuance across generations.
On one level, this root word means to establish, to make sure or firm, to be certain. Our word ‘Amen’ comes from אמנ, and when we end a prayer with ‘Amen’, we’re saying “It’s a sure thing”.
It’s also the word for a nursing mother. Faithfulness establishes the strength of the next generation, just like a mother’s milk strengthens and secures health for her child.
It isn’t something you have. It’s an action. But that doesn’t mean you initiate the action. Because having all the answers is great, until you don’t anymore. And doing faithfulness is great…until you falter.
I lived an extended period of consistent faithfulness, and it felt good. I expected God to reward my faithfulness by fulfilling His promises to our family. I chose to believe the best about God, even when my faithfulness was met with more suffering.
And after years of that?
I cracked. It turns out the long haul is longer than I cared to admit.
My faithfulness had been, at least on some level, about me. Enduring, keeping me eyes on the prize. But faithfulness isn’t limited to endurance. It’s also keeping my heart anchored in God’s faithfulness. It isn’t measured in results this month, this year, or this lifetime.
God’s Faithfulness is to a thousand generations. He’s faithful in every detail, every instant. But we can’t always perceive or measure it in real time. We sometimes give up too soon…long before the fruit is visible.
I remember standing in the kitchen of our old house, back in our old life. We were about to step into the life I had dreamed of, prayed for, and thought God had promised me. Unbidden I sensed Him saying, “It will take longer than you thought. It will be harder than you thought. It will be better than you can imagine.”
Looking back, it still takes my breath away. That He told me. I had no idea what was coming, and at the time, I dismissed it with a shudder. But later, when everything imploded, I recognized even that glimpse of our future as His faithfulness.
I’m coming to grips with the reality that I might not see the fulfillment of some of those promises in my lifetime. But I’m not giving up on their fulfillment. And I won’t settle for my own endurance. I still want to be found faithful.
It’s just taking longer than I thought.
How has God shown His faithfulness to you over the course of generations?