If You’re Reading this, You’re my Competitor. Here’s Why:

 Categories : A Culture of Listening

 

I caught two thieves in the act. They conspired to deceive me even while appearing to be enemies.

These two thieves are comparison and complacency. Comparison robs you by shining the spotlight on what isn’t. Whether you’re comparing expectations to reality, or your reality to someone else’s, comparison is the thief of joy.

 

Complacency steals your birthright: your chance to wrestle with God and prevail. This thief whispers “You want too much”. You try too hard. If you were really trusting God’s sovereignty, you could stop striving and be at rest. ”

 

The truth is, striving isn’t noble or flawed. The question isn’t “Is it wrong to strive?” but “What are you striving toward?

 

The solution has a bad name in Christianity, especially among women. And as women, we have the most to lose from failing to embrace it.

 

It’s competition. For a long time I tried to squelch my competitive streak. I was told a Godly woman doesn’t strive.  I was told to be content, to “let go and let God”. But I’m going to be honest with you. If you’re reading this, I see you as a competitor, and I want you to see me that way too. Here’s why:

 

We associate competition with rivalry, and think in terms of competing against. But competition used to mean “seek with” (think petition), meet, or come together.  Kingdom life is about competing with.

 

Maybe you were taught competition reveals a lack of trust in God, or isn’t feminine. Maybe you’ve been rejected or criticized by women who didn’t understand your drive or felt intimidated by your passion.

 

because we're hungry

The truth is, we need you to compete with us, and contend alongside us. It’s time to up our game as women, not because we’re insecure, but because we’re hungry. Because the lover of our souls has more for us and we’re done insulting Him by playing small.

 

When I wrote about throwing a tantrum on your behalf, I was serious. I can’t wrestle for you, but I’m cheering you on. I want to be in a community of women who challenge each other to strive together toward God, and refuse to spend ourselves for a counterfeit.

 

Competition against is based on scarcity. If you get gold, I have to settle for silver, or worse. Competition with is based on the truth that in God, there’s more where that came from. We’ll be rewarded in different ways and at different times. Your reward takes nothing away from mine. My reward is yours.

 

How can you compete with the women in your life?

 

How can you unmask comparison and complacency?

 

 



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  • Krista

    I love your statement “I want to be in a community of women who challenge each other to strive together towards God, and refuse to spend ourselves for a counterfeit.” This hunger is where I live right now. I did not grow up in a community like this, and so I am delighted to have the priviledge of knowing women that walk this out. Witnessing women “challenging each other” in an awesome loving and encouraging way is so wonderful and foreign to me at the same time. I can do polite, but to challenge someone, and still keep their friendship, what does that look like? And they do it, like you said, because authenticity is so important to them, to us. We hold each other accountable because we love each other and we know all of the good that what we are truly capable of. I am literally trying to be a student of these relationships and praying that this community, this piece of the kingdom, grows larger and larger.

    • mlekallio

      Krista, I love the humility in how you talked about being a student of those relationships, and the honesty about that hunger. I didn’t grow up in a community like that either, but when I read the words of Jesus, I see how loving and challenging go hand in hand. I hope you’ll join the fluent listening community by subscribing (the sign up is below every blog post) and I hope we can keep growing together in this area! Thanks so much for sharing your heart!

  • Erik Kallio

    In order to change from the idea of competition ‘against’ to ‘with’ I think you nailed it by talking about the scarcity mentality. By exposing the lie that there is only so much (love, praise, goodness, joy, etc…) to go around and if I work with you to get yours there is less for me, we do a great service to the Kingdom. By living like there isn’t enough and instilling that into others we mar and maim the Bride and expand the kingdom of darkness. Please speak up when you hear this in your brothers and sisters and take those thoughts captive in your own head. Ask a friend to keep you accountable too. Thanks for taking the ‘risk’ and addressing this.

    • mlekallio

      Thanks for fleshing out that idea of how dangerous scarcity can be!