I Lost Years of my Life to this. Now I’m Thankful for It

 Categories : Listening to God

 

The most popular post I’ve ever written was called “If You Were Jealous of Me, You Won’t Be after Reading This”, So I know I’m not the only one who’s lost years of her life to jealousy. I’ve fought it from every angle: repentance, confession, gratitude, and years of replacing lies I believed with God’s truth.

 

But honestly, there were times when it still stung to see someone else living my dreams. I felt shut out from God’s favor and blessing, and from enjoyment in general.

 

So I was shocked when God turned my jealousy inside out. I was talking with someone I had been jealous of. As she described the pain she felt in the same part of her life I had envied, I suddenly felt so much compassion for her and her family. I wished I had prayed for them instead of wasting time feeling jealous.

 

In an instant, images of everyone I had envied over the last 15 years flashed through my mind. The couple whose gorgeous wedding I had been jealous of was now divorced. The business I coveted had collapsed. The friends whose ministry I envied were no longer in ministry. The missionaries I had been jealous of were barely hanging on. That’s when it dawned on me:

 

My jealousy wasn’t about me.

 

Those pangs of jealousy were pointing me to what I knew to be true about God’s kingdom. They were invitations to intercede for those people, to pray that their reality on the inside was every bit as good as it looked from the outside.

 

And yet it was about me, but not in the way I thought.

 

It taught me what was most precious to me. Jealousy has been one of the most reliable indicators of where my true passions lie. If I detect jealousy, I know my true self is just below the surface, ready to be revealed.

 

truth

 

Don’t get me wrong. Jealousy is sin. It’s based on lies about who you are and who God is. But lies can’t corrupt something that isn’t there. Behind every lie, there’s an infinitely more compelling truth.

 

For me, the truth is I’ve been blessed with keen discernment and called to intercede. But I know I’m not the only one. Maybe you struggle with jealousy like I did, or maybe it’s anger, or sorrow. Whatever your trigger emotion is, don’t miss the invitation hidden in it.

 

What has God turned inside out (in a good way) in your life?



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  • Cindy

    This is an incredible revelation to me. I have learned to bless peole of whom I am jealous. But this takes it a step farther – to actually intercede for them.
    Thank you, Hannah, for the invaluable insight!

    • mlekallio

      You’re welcome, Cindy. Thank you for your bravery in taking that next step.
      My prayer is that you’ll experience the more-than-enough that’s already yours, and that your prayers will give birth to abundant life for many, many people.

  • Roxanne

    Those emotions bring things to the surface that God wants to deal with but we aren’t always willing to go there and cooperate with him. Good encouraging word to trust the Father with this and use it to intercede for others and in the process get free ourselves. Also hope you are feeling well again soon!

    • mlekallio

      I love how God is always at work on multiple levels, using the same circumstance or emotion to free multiple people. When we expose those things in our lives, it prepares the way for other people too. It reminds me of the expression “free people free people”. Thanks for praying for our health.