A New Way of Listening

 Categories : Listening to Each Other Listening to God

 

By guest writer Caitlin Boersma

After a month or so of referring to Simon as my foster son on social media, I received an unexpected comment from a Facebook friend:

“You shouldn’t call a child you’re caring for your “foster” son. As long as he’s with you he’s your son…Think about how that word would make a child feel.”

I was shocked, embarrassed, and hurt.

“How dare he call me out on Facebook? Doesn’t he know this is all new to me?”

I was about to delete the hurtful comment when another unexpected voice chimed in,

“Before deleting that comment, why not consider his advice?”

Ugh! I didn’t want to spend another moment thinking about it. Deleting it would be a lot easier! I took a deep breath and asked the Holy Spirit:

“What do you want me to receive? And what do you want me to release?”

Until that point, for a handful of reasons, I thought it was better to call Simon my foster son. I never considered that the term might be painful to him. I decided to try on this new perspective.

After considering the ramifications,I decided to receive his advice. Since then, I’ve called Simon my son.

I also decided to release the negative tone I assumed my friend was using in his comment. I realized he most likely meant to be helpful, not demeaning. Why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Isn’t that what I would want if the table was turned?

The moment I started calling Simon my son, a wall I hadn’t even known was there fell down.

The Holy Spirit used a Facebook comment to teach me an unexpected, but very important lesson.

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I wonder…

How many lessons have I missed because I responded defensively without truly listening?What transformation have I missed because I’ve approached conversations (with people and God) from the stance of “I agree/disagree“. Right/wrong listening makes me the sole judge. It closes off the possibility of fresh revelation from the Holy Spirit.

Since even the mature among us don’t know that we don’t know,
I offer these five suggestions for a new way of listening:

  • Stop: When you hear or read something that makes you uncomfortable, stop. Don’t run. Don’t respond. Identify what you’re feeling. You may find it helpful to write down the emotions you’re experiencing.
  • Pray: Hold these challenging words and emotions before the Lord. Ask Him to reveal what you should receive, and what you should release.
  • Embrace the Tension: After allowing God’s peace to settle in, try on what you heard. Ask questions like “What would it look like for me to embrace this?” Again, it may be helpful to write down your answers to these questions.
  • Be Transformed: God’s Word is active and living. Something that spoke to you in the past may speak to you in a fresh way today! Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom in what to do next. Transformation kicks in when we do or believe something we never imagined we could do/believe before.
  • Be Grace: Just because you’ve started this journey of transformation doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes. Commit to making change, but have grace for yourself when you mess up; and be grace for others who are learning and trying on their own areas of transformation (which may look different than yours).

What do you think?

What would you add or take away from the suggestions I offered? Try on this new way of listening. What did you notice? Share your answer with us in the comments below.

 

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A year ago, my husband and I said yes to following Jesus no matter the cost. Now, nothing looks the same. Our family, our jobs, our hearts and our desires have been and continue to be transformed. To learn more about our transformative journey visit: caitlinboersma.com.



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  • Gabriela

    Thank you Caitlin for your beautiful revelation on this topic. I remember reading it on “If”. Love and so agree with your “I WONDER

    My thoughts below:
    By identifying what and why we are feeling will enable us to “Respond” rather than “React”. Writing down our feelings lends way to expressing the emotion on paper and then pushes us forward to respond in the “right” or godly way. It helps us to categorise our thought process in such a way that we are then able to respond without letting the emotion rule. Tuning in and being mindful of what it is that we have allowed ourselves to be exposed to can also give great perspective in the situation. I’m reminded of the scripture that calls us to “be quick to listen and slow to speak”etc.

    Jas 1:19  Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.

    I’m ashamed to say I too have often reacted poorly instead of responding with grace and love to another -often allowing my emotions to get the better of me.

    Praying and communicating with the Father and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide, counsel and direct will sort out truth in the situation and give clarity.
    Often though I find that if I give myself time and remove myself from the situation God can and does do a work…..but I have to surrender first and rest all at His feet.

    Journaling through a trial or challenge can unlock true motives of what can be a desire fuelled by selfishness or genuine sincerity of heart. Only God knows our agendas and we must allow Him access and then be prepared to receive or release.
    We may not always like the answer we get from Him nor the timing.

    Transformation is the key for we are being transformed and changed from glory to glory. With this in mind renewing our minds daily with Gods word is basic. I can’t stress this enough – if we don’t make adequate preparation to spend time sitting in His presence we will fumble around endlessly never being sure of ourselves or even God. I know this to be true in my own life.
    Getting to know His character will help our discernment for the rest of our days.
    Rom 12:2  Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

    And yes Grace is the key that unlocks and opens a whole new world of wonder where creativity and purpose flourish and explode in a tapestry of colour that is one’s life.
    Listening and Hearing God is an ongoing active process different and yet the same. I will and do get it wrong many times sometimes just in one day. Maybe that’s why God tells us just to worry about today and not tomorrow. His measure of a day and time is so different to ours. But God knows and so we continue to seek to find and knock for an opening, even if we have to sojourn many a day and often in circles to get there….just to be found.

    I will continue to Listen if only just to Hear…..❤️

    • mlekallio

      Gabriela, I love your point about how acknowledging our feelings frees us to not be governed by them. So often I hear believers suppressing their emotions because they fear being led astray by them. But the more emotions get stuffed, the more influence they have. Taking the opportunity to acknowledge feelings (and diffuse them) is one of the things I appreciated most about the process Caitlin suggested. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!