When We Quit Praying, We never Expected This:

 Categories : Activites for Families Listening to Each Other

 

Last week I wrote about how we quit praying before meals (you can read that here if you missed it). That decision left us asking “What do we do now?”

 

The gaping hole at the beginning of meal time made conversation awkward, so we bridged the gap with a question from a deck of conversation starters like this:

 

Untitled design

 

We spend tons of time together, and questions are already a big part of our learning process. So I was amazed at how much we discovered about each member of the family.

 

Powerful questions deepen any relationship, especially if you think you have all the answers about the other person.

 

Most of us crave answers, but we haven’t been taught how to ask questions. Jesus didn’t have that problem. He was raised with a worldview that valued questions over answers. He used questions to demonstrate wisdom and authority, and help people arrive at deeper understanding (read more about that here).

 

Powerful questions are:

  • Broad

Narrow questions reflect limiting assumptions. Challenge assumptions and encourage creativity by asking questions that allow a wider range of answers.

  • Open-ended

Any question you can answer with “Yes” or “No” is a closed question. They make for short, predictable conversations! Questions that begin with How? and What? are open-ended.

  • Neutral

People (especially kids) won’t be fully honest with you if your question steers them or reveals the answer you’re looking for, especially if they want to please you.

 

These questions are great equalizers. Everyone can answer at their level. Everyone can learn something (often about themselves). And when the whole family is listening, everyone feels valued.

 

Asking “What matters to you?” is another way of saying, “What matters is you”.

 

Here is a great free resource with 48 powerful questions to get you started. The design is geared toward school age kids, but the questions themselves can be adjusted to fit anyone.

 

Asking questions helps you decide what’s worth paying attention to.

 

Who will you give your attention to by asking them a powerful question?

 

 



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  • Sarah

    Great post, Hannah. The art of the good question. There are good things to keep in mind in here and I hadn’t thought about tailoring questions for kids in these ways so thanks for the hints.

    So now on to the fun part … Do I get to pick which year? If so, yes. I’d definitely do many things differently. In any of a few years. But there seems to be a cost/benefit regarding any specific year so just don’t make me pick one from junior high, for example. What about you, Hannah and everyone else? I think it would be fun to dig in on this one a bit. :)

    • mlekallio

      Thanks Sarah! These three guidelines work great for any age, definitely not just kids!
      Part of the reason I posted the picture of that question was because exactly one year ago we sold our house and embarked on a crazy adventure. Although I wish many things had gone differently, I can honestly say I don’t regret any major decisions, because I felt God’s leading every step of the way.
      As for the year I’d do over; #18, hands down. It was the best and worst year of my life, and could’ve been so much more best and so much less worst if I’d been more sensitive to the Holy Spirit guiding me.