There’s nothing like a journey across a foreign country by bus, train, and boat to highlight your weaknesses as a parent. Even though your summer plans might not be quite as involved as ours, applying this principle will make your job easier, help your family have more fun this summer, and prepare your children for the adventures God has planned for them.

When our family listed the attributes we wanted to characterize us, resilience was one of them. We agreed that handling adversity gracefully was a priority. But recently, I noticed I was trying to protect my family waaaaay too much. I don’t mean protection from danger. I was trying (and failing) to shield them from discomfort and inconvenience. And it was compromising their resilience. Here’s how it looked in our lives:

When we struck out to do some exploring and prayer walking as a family, it took us ages to get anywhere on foot. There was way too much whining. And I couldn’t stop apologizing. If everyone wasn’t happy on these excursions, it felt like my fault. That’s when I knew something had to change.

So we started intentionally building resilience in our kids. Here’s what worked for us:

• We set a goal that was slightly past what they thought they could handle.
• We set progressively more challenging goals (in our case walking a little farther each day)
• Each challenge was real (instead of arbitrary distances, we had a mission to accomplish)
• We noticed and affirmed any and all progress.
• We offered a reward for successful completion.

After one week of doing this everyday, we noticed a huge difference. We were covering more ground. Our teamwork was greatly improved. We had several delays getting from Tuscany to Sardinia, and the kids had to walk farther and carry more luggage than ever before. Yet it felt more like an adventure and less like a sentence.

The truth is, I’m not sovereign, so I stink as a protector. When I try to protect my kids from real life challenges, I cheat them, and limit our ability do what God puts before us as a family. My role is more that of a curator, selecting experiences that will serve my children as they move through life with God.

What’s one challenge you’re ready to stop “protecting” your kids from? How can you build their resilience (or whatever attribute you’re working on) this week?